Halloween Decorations Need Not Be Distasteful  


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Dec 01, 2023

Halloween Decorations Need Not Be Distasteful  

Halloween season is upon us, bringing joy – and delightful treats – to many children, yet headaches to discriminating homeowners agonizing over seasonal decorative choices. “I don’t care if it’s

Halloween season is upon us, bringing joy – and delightful treats – to many children, yet headaches to discriminating homeowners agonizing over seasonal decorative choices.

“I don’t care if it’s Halloween; You’re gruesome and tacky yard decorations are sick and rude,” opined senior contributor to The Federalist, Georgi Boorman, after noticing “dozens of houses” in her neighborhood “draped in felt spiderwebs, obscured by giant inflatable witches, and liberally ornamented with shrunken heads, skeletons, and tattered ghosts.” Boorman laments, “Halloween has become tacky.”

If you’re discerning – and don’t wish to come across as that “tacky” neighbor – we have just the Halloween guide for you.

While others may present chintzy Halloween displays, you and your spouse might consider offering something more magisterial this season. From Grandinroad, this Magestic Headless Horseman is outfitted in “ominous 5-foot tall, detailed costuming,” while cradling a “flickering jack-’o-lantern.” A “creepy background soundtrack” is also provided for this animated and romantic figure of yore, as well as an accompanying battery set for $3.37. “Bring this legend to life on your own front porch,” the listing on Amazon says. Also don’t miss the option for “through-the-door truck delivery.” Price: $1,049.25,

From Williams Sonoma of California, this Halloween Party Gift Crate allows you and your guests to “serve cocktails that conjure up the most bewitching spirits.” With a Crafthouse by Fortessa Jigger, 6 Cocktail Pics, 3 Cauldron Mugs, Witch’s Brew Halloween Cocktail Mix, Sour Gummies and a Reusable Wooden Crate, this “spellbinding selection” is the kit that says “sophistication.” “Just add your favorite vodka; use the jigger to measure the fruit-forward mixer and alcohol, then pour the elixir into the ice-filled cauldron mugs.” Then, finally, “skewer a gummy with one of the cocktail picks to garnish your potion.” Shall we meet chez nous? Price: $99.95.

From the Nieman Marcus collection, this petite chinoiserie pumpkin decoration, which need only be “dusted with a dry cloth,” is but 8.3 inches tall, yet serves up a sophisticated splash of “tastefulness” on your Halloween porch display. Handcrafted of polyester and polyresin, the delightful design is presented by Katherine’s Collection “based on upcoming trends in style and color.” Price: $78.00.

Known for the “timeless beauty, elegant designs, and intricate details,” of their artisanal works, Mark Roberts presents this 3-piece Couture Pumpkin Set – a “decorative accent,” just in time for Halloween. Made of fabric, metal and PVC, the 3 “pumpkins” are mounted on styrofoam bases, with fabric covering and “faux jewel” trim. Much lighter than actual pumpkins at only 2.1 pounds! Price: $216.00.

Ahh, Givenchy… From the French luxury fashion and maison du parfum, you may shop by using the ModeSense Concierge to help you select this sophisticated Basketball Jack-o’-lantern Mohair & Wool Blend Sweater in Orange for the hubby handing out candy treats. Price: $1290.00.

Listed at the New Horizon Store, this human skull model with anatomical brain pull-out will help facilitate a child’s understanding of how their brain is housed – and maybe why they like candy so much! “The head part can be opened to observe the internal structure of the skull, including the cerebral hemisphere, diencephalon, cerebellum and brainstem midbrain, pons, medulla oblongata, and cerebral nerves,” we are told. Made of “non-toxic PVC” (So, it’s okay to chew on!) Includes “removable mandible jaw.” Ideal for a Halloween porch display. Price: $69.99.

Of course, not everyone can afford a home. But, if you dwell in a cramped apartment, here’s a practical solution. These giant inflatable octopus tentacles from the Happy Gift Collection let folks on the street know you’re not going to be left out when it comes to displaying Halloween spirit. Aquatic themed, so as not to offend, these balloons come with “air blowers, repair kits and anchoring ropes.” Constructed of lush PVC-coated Oxford fabric, with digitally printed silkscreen, each and every tentacle is guaranteed for 3 years. Ropes, lightbulbs, sandbags, and remote controller included. Price: $454.32.

From Hammacher Schlemmer, this darling inflatable black cat with its “wide-fanged grin” and “paws the size of armchairs” – stands “nearly two stories tall.” According to the craftsmen, the cat’s “underbelly is 7 feet above ground at the highest point, allowing trick-or-treaters to walk underneath. So, the lawn is preserved. “The gargantuan feline’s hindquarters and tail are elevated above its head as if he’s about to pounce on unsuspecting prey.” Should send a frisson of fright to all who pass beneath. Comes with sporty storage bag. Price: $349.95.

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